On a recent trip to the beach I reacquainted myself with a simple, thin book that has been a source of inspiration I visit from time to time since I first read it over ten years ago. Gift from the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, shares the author’s personal approach to the particular challenges for women in balancing the needs of self, family and the world.  Although first published in 1955, Lindbergh’s honest and down-to-earth perspective is relevant, and even refreshing, for women now.  From today’s tuned-in, turned-on lifestyles it may be hard to imagine that society of earlier generations also struggled with distractions and demands that interfered with inner peace and purposeful living.  Yet Anne Morrow Lindbergh, a wife and mother in public view in her day, describes perfectly the “ever widening circles of contact and communication.  It involves not only family demands, but community demands, national demands, international demands on the good citizens, through social and cultural pressures, through newspapers, magazines, radio programs, political drives, charitable appeals, and so on.”  I think she just described my day!  ​

Just in time for the holiday season, Common Sense Media has shared information about their study of how parents look at their own screen time as well as their childrens’.  Common Sense Media is an independent nonprofit organization whose mission is to help kids use media and technology in positive and empowering ways by providing guidance to families, teachers, and policymakers.  They provide an excellent resource for parents to educate themselves on safety and content issues as well.  While researchers frequently focus on how much and what children and teens are doing online, Common Sense Media’s research targeted parents’ use. Their 3 minute video shares the issues raised by their study in a powerful way that was easy for me to identify with as a parent.

 As a therapist, and a parent, I applaud the attention to how adults model for their children healthy, or inappropriate, choices with regard to plugging in.  Now, you’ve likely also had the experience over the past couple of years of being at a family or multigenerational group event and noticing whose attention is captured by their screen of choice--smart phone, tablet, laptop, even smartwatch—and whose isn’t; they’re the other people in the room surveying the scene. And it isn’t just the kids.  My husband and I have caught each other’s gaze, with eyebrows raised, over the holidays noticing that both the kids and the grandparents are on their phones. It can be endearing to see these diverse generations enjoying technology—usually in very different ways—and yet we have a different type of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out): Are we losing opportunities for important connections with loved ones right next to us?
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The good news is that it can be easy to promote healthy screen time with a few “guidelines” that will nonetheless need to be repeated often, for both kids and adults, in a matter of fact, nonjudgey tone:

1. Phones off the table for meals.
2. Save your photos to post after the event, not during.
3. Ask the group if its ok to look up a fact on your device during active discussion
4. Separate yourself from the group to check email or social media, or to make a phone call and limitit to under 5 minutes.  Step outside, find an empty room, or heck even make a (quick) visit to the bathroom. 

​Because every family has slightly different screen habits, it’s important to be clear about sharing expectations for gatherings.  Oh, and don’t forget to mind your own plugged in self!