Ghosts in the Nursery: Childhood Hurts and Adult Pain

“I never really thought about my childhood.  Then as an adult an acquaintance asked me how my family was;  I started crying and couldn’t stop.  I was so embarrassed and I couldn’t understand why I reacted that way.”

“My friends share stories about growing up.  I don’t share many of my own stories because other people often can’t relate to them or they tell me what happened to me wasn’t normal.  Then I just don’t know how to feel.”

“Other people seem to remember a lot more of their childhood than I do, but that’s probably for the best because what I do remember isn’t very pleasant.  I focus more on trying hard to be the kind of person others will like.  I work so hard not to make mistakes or disappoint others that sometimes I feel I’ve lost myself.”

​These are typical experiences shared with me over the years by clients.  Many of them entered therapy to work on anxiety, depression or relationship struggles without recognizing the role their childhood hurt or trauma played in how they were feeling as an adult.  They had been working so hard to understand their feelings in the context of their adult lives, but hadn’t been able to make the progress or changes they felt they should.  Their worries and concerns seemed exaggerated, even unrealistic.  Their chronic sadness, in spite of having a rich and full life, was a mystery.  They found themselves caught in the same unhealthy patterns in their relationships, despite wanting desperately to love and be loved. 
The process of therapy revealed that each of these clients also had courage and outstanding strengths that helped them survive the emotional hurts, neglect, and in some cases physical abuse, of their childhoods.  In addition, they had all overcome significant obstacles in their adult life and even excelled in unique areas, though these were accomplishments they previously had not recognized. 
Therapists trained in trauma resolution can assist clients with healing wounds from the past using emotionally safe and clinically effective approaches specific for an individual’s needs.  By addressing these childhood experiences and how they impact the present, one is more fully empowered for lasting changes in how they feel about themselves and in their choices and relationships with others.  We can then be our best selves in the present, having released our ghosts from the past.