Just in time for the holiday season, Common Sense Media has shared information about their study of how parents look at their own screen time as well as their childrens’.  Common Sense Media is an independent nonprofit organization whose mission is to help kids use media and technology in positive and empowering ways by providing guidance to families, teachers, and policymakers.  They provide an excellent resource for parents to educate themselves on safety and content issues as well.  While researchers frequently focus on how much and what children and teens are doing online, Common Sense Media’s research targeted parents’ use. Their 3 minute video shares the issues raised by their study in a powerful way that was easy for me to identify with as a parent.

 As a therapist, and a parent, I applaud the attention to how adults model for their children healthy, or inappropriate, choices with regard to plugging in.  Now, you’ve likely also had the experience over the past couple of years of being at a family or multigenerational group event and noticing whose attention is captured by their screen of choice--smart phone, tablet, laptop, even smartwatch—and whose isn’t; they’re the other people in the room surveying the scene. And it isn’t just the kids.  My husband and I have caught each other’s gaze, with eyebrows raised, over the holidays noticing that both the kids and the grandparents are on their phones. It can be endearing to see these diverse generations enjoying technology—usually in very different ways—and yet we have a different type of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out): Are we losing opportunities for important connections with loved ones right next to us?
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The good news is that it can be easy to promote healthy screen time with a few “guidelines” that will nonetheless need to be repeated often, for both kids and adults, in a matter of fact, nonjudgey tone:

1. Phones off the table for meals.
2. Save your photos to post after the event, not during.
3. Ask the group if its ok to look up a fact on your device during active discussion
4. Separate yourself from the group to check email or social media, or to make a phone call and limitit to under 5 minutes.  Step outside, find an empty room, or heck even make a (quick) visit to the bathroom. 

​Because every family has slightly different screen habits, it’s important to be clear about sharing expectations for gatherings.  Oh, and don’t forget to mind your own plugged in self!   

How do we have a healthier holiday with family?  Follow these simple (but not necessarily easy) tips:
Challenge your own expectations about what the holiday will be like.  Most of us prepare for holidays that are a product of our hopes, dreams and possibly unfulfilled wishes rather than a realistic and likely experience reflecting our actual history of family drama, superficiality, crises or unmet needs.  Being realistic doesn’t mean you are giving up on the perfect family.  Well OK, maybe it does mean that.  But giving up that dream allows us to focus instead on what’s truly possible to achieve within our family relationships, and that means we are more likely to find our family connections more meaningful.