Valentine Check Up: Is Your Relationship Growing Stronger or Growing Apart?

As Valentine’s Day approaches we look for ways to express our love to those important to us.  While the image of cupids shooting arrows that target the heart of our beloved reflects the association of St. Valentine’s Day and romantic love, the reality is that we bestow valentine cards, candy, flowers and other gifts on family, children, friends and teachers.  ​

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately 190 million valentines are sent each year in the US. Half of those valentines are given to family members other than husband or wife, usually to children. When you include the valentine-exchange cards made in school activities the figure goes up to 1 billion, and teachers become the people receiving the most valentines.

Still, when we are in a relationship there can be both excitement and pressure associated with celebrating Valentine’s Day.  Newly established relationships feel the glare of the spotlight as the amount of attention and/or money spent may reflect the depth of committment or intensity of passion.  Long-term, committed relationships have seen many Valentine’s Days come and go, as well as many other shared celebrations posing a challenge for finding the right balance of acknowledgment, tradition and excitement.  Those without a special someone to whom they can send Valentine’s wishes would likely trade feelings of loneliness and being left out for the pressure and challenge of celebrating Valentine’s Day with a significant other.  
Celebrating special occasions is an important quality in a relationship, but on it’s own is not an effective indicator of how healthy a relationship is.  Much more important are the day-to-day interactions which strengthen (or weaken) the bond.  Staying “in touch” is one of these key factors that can take many forms: the good morning/hello/good night/goodbye hug or kiss, the can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other that characterizes an early stage relationship, the check in text during a busy day.  Sharing new experiences is another key factor found in relationships that are healthy and growing.  It’s easy to see this occurring in new relationships as partners get to know each other and explore their identity as a couple.  But partners in strong long-term relationships find ways to grow together like taking a dance class, traveling to new places or learning how to be better parents.  

To check out Dr. Love’s book How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Relationship see the link above. I provide links to books, such as the one above, purely as a convenience to those who are interested in more information about the books I recommend.  They can be purchased through this link and are also available at the same price by going directly to Amazon.com. Your public library may be a source as well. If you do purchase a book using a link I provide, Amazon pays me a small percentage and asks me to make the following disclosure: As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

One of my favorite books about relationships takes a humorous, non-critical approach to a very serious subject: behaviors that undermine our efforts to have loving, caring relationships.  Dr. Pat Love’s light-hearted insights paint a clear picture of the unintended consequences of common relationship faux pas, helping us to make changes without feeling defensive. This small book is an easy, fun and enlightening read for both partners.
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For more information about Pat Love and her videos, presentations and other books check out her informative website PatLove.com