Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

​It’s almost always possible to heal from heartbreak and repair a damaged relationship.  Then why do almost 50 percent of marriages end in divorce?  Indeed for subsequent marriages, the divorce rate is even higher. 
The problem lies with the fact that we make mistakes in relationships without taking advantage of the opportunity to learn from those mistakes to make changes that lead to reconnecting and strengthening with our partners, and with ourselves.

When you stop to think about it, when the romance and passion of a new relationship becomes less intense, there are an awful lot of chances for all our imperfections to take center stage and our strengths to be taken for granted.  We tend to focus more on unfulfilled needs than we do on appreciation of what our relationships do offer.  And it’s just a short step from there to poor judgment and attempts to get our needs met in ways that are not respectful to our relationship.

Affairs.  Betrayals.  Allegiance with other family.  Focus on work, money or substances. These are all choices that lead to neglect, withholding of love and support, and resentment. Relationship bonds become strained to the breaking point.
 
In a time of crisis, the contrast between what we don’t have in the relationship and what we do have is highlighted. When a couple can choose to use their relationship strengths to work together to identify and change the behaviors that have caused hurt, they are on the road to mend.
 
Accountability in behavior leads to feelings of compassion.  Respectful actions lead to rebuilding trust.  Consistency leads to feelings of warmth and love.  These simple tools are the effective medicine for relationship healing, however we often experience challenge in implementing them.  That is the time when outside resources, such as couples or individual counseling, can help us work through the challenge so we may engage our strengths more quickly and comfortably.  A therapist can also help a couple or individual evaluate objectively those ruptures that may indicate a relationship that is truly toxic and help partners transition away from each other and toward healthier lives.
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